So! It's June.. Already.. Half of 2014 just passed like that. I think I think too much 90% of the time I swear my brains never stops analyzing and thinking and shit. Like there's always so much thoughts inside my head that I have and I don't know how to let it out and I don't wanna bother anymore. Which explains my weird relationship with my family like I don't talk to them and stuff one la.

During WCS she was like telling me about her life and her family and what she did and stuff. Then she was so shock I don't have such close r/s with family like her. And I'm just like.... Idk. What should I feel? It comes to the point that I just don't want to try anymore. Yea I know family will be there for you no matter what. But I just can't bring myself to share and everything. Am I the only one? Maybe I am. No wonder I'm such a loner eh.

Many of my stuff I don't tell my family. Like I like kpop. Like who are my friends. Like what kind of guys I like. Like why I'm sad. Like when I get into trouble. I just try to resolve everything by myself if I can and I don't want to bring attention to myself to them.

These few weeks were like a roller coaster of emotions. Or maybe just a roller coaster with no ups but only going down. There's this fucker which wanna scammed my $100 over taylor swift tickets. There's me being 'reprimanded' for not submitting my journal on time. There's my laptop being borrowed without warning for 2 fucking weeks. There's the internshit appraisal.  There's me being scolded for not detailed enough for packing.

I swear it hurts when she was like "See. She's so good at packing. See. She's so auto pilot." Fuck you la just fuck you. You want to say, don't say in front of my face la. You treat me as if I'm fucking invisible. Like I'm just trash and just a waste of space. You totally goes "Ya she and her doing registration" Then I'm fucking standing in front of you, you don't even delegate any role to me. Like wtf? Why did you even ask me to go onsite if you have no need for me? Fucked up. Sick and tired of feeling like this.

I try so hard not to be affected and pretend that I'm okay and everything. Maybe I'm the sensitive bitch. But tell me who likes to be compared?

I don't know. It comes to the point that I don't even know what the hell am I doing and why am I even existing at all. The thought of me ceasing to exist kept nagging at the back of my head. Would the world be a better place if I had not been born? The last time these kind of thoughts I have were like a few years back. I thought I had grown out of that phrase but apparently not eh.

Just wanna stay home all day and not go out and not do anything.
Like even if I wanna meet friends it's always either they're not free or they don't even bother to make effort to meet up. Yea I have specific people in mind. Maybe I think too much but I'm just losing faith in anything and everything.

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